The Idiots: Christmas Time, Mistletoe and Wine
by Nush
Summary: The "Idiots" sees Christmas Eve go down the drain...no thanks to booze that is.


**The Idiots: Christmas Time, Mistletoe and Wine...Drunk Idiots Singing a Grease Song!**

**Summary:** _A new series of random short stories, that look at...randomness! Throughout the series, we see the gang (I know it's unoriginal) have their hoildays, Easter, Xmas, New Years etc, fight evil, evil McDonalds and more! This story is about Christmas Eve...and mistletoe...and awful presents! Booya!_

"Aww, this is the thing I hate about Bond films!" complained Cloud, burrowing his brow.

"Yeah! Why does he always get to bang some random ladies! Did he **FORGET** about the others?" screamed Aeris in rage, who had to be held back by Barret and Cid who soothed her with "Calm down stupid! It's just a film!"

"I think it's godamn sweet! He gets loadas chicks! Yer jest jealous Cloud, ya neva get chicks!" Barret stifled a giggle.

"COULD TOO!"

"Shush! Bond is about to kick ass!" hushed Cait Sith who was glued to the scene.

The gang were a spectacle to be seen in their multicoloured party hats, with party whistles by their side, all perched on the couch with a enormous bowl full of butterscotch popcorn watching Die Another Day along with the Bond Season on the television. After Bond had "fun" with some more ladies, the gang groaned in unison.

A loud slam interupted the universal groan, as Tifa pranced with a Santa's costume complete with a Santa hat and stockings.

"Hey Cloud!" she waved her arms stupidly. "What ya think of my sexy outfit?" She wiggled her breasts into Cloud's face, he freaked out for approx. 75 minutes.

"Hey let's open our pressies!" squealed Aeris.

They rushed to their presents, ripping them apart like children on a Christmas morning - except this was Christmas eve!

"Wow..." Tifa squealed, holding the thong in front of her, placing it on her head. "It's a head band! Thanks Vincent!"

"Um...that's a th-" Red XIII was about to correct, before Cait Sith's hand silenced him.

"SHUSH! Nice head band Tifa!" Cait snickered evilly with the rest of the group, but Vincent.

"Cool! It's a ...nurses uniform!" screamed a confused Barret, wide eyed.

Cid and Cloud giggled behind their gloved hands.

"WHO DA HELL BROUGHT ME DIS!" Barret shook his fists.

"Ummm...cool Barret, it's a dead flower..." Aeris bit her lip. "Um...thanks!"

Barret stopping screaming and beamed proudly.

"WOW! It's a...leopard skin keyboard!" Vincent hugged it with sheer delight and started to play the Telletubbies on it tunelessly, Red XIII let out a shrill howl, while everyone -but Tifa who was dancing around- winced, covering their ears dramatically.

"Um...a flowerpot?" exclaimed Cloud looking at Tifa, with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah!" she nodded dementedly. "Hehehehe it's a hat! It's the latest look!"

"Um...a computer mouse?" Cait Sith questioned.

Tifa nodded like a broken puppet. "Uh-huh! Isn't it a cute pet mouse! I brought it from the computer store! So cheap!"

Cait Sith held the "mouse" and was lost for words.

"WHAT THE &$£"£ is THIS!" Cid cursed viciously, holding up a floppy disk.

"Ciddy it's a toy aeroplane!" replied Tifa with eyes the size of saucers.

"&$£$ FLOPPY DISK!" Cid threw it down in disgust.

"CID!" Tifa screamed in horror. "You're killing your toy plane!"

"£$$£! A real toy plane!" Cid hugged Aeris and he kissed her shoes. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Aeris blushed, ripping open her present. "Oooooooh! It's a candy stick! Thanks Cid!"

Tifa stomped her foot down hard. "CLOUD! Why don't you wear my flowerpot!"

Cloud simply ignored her. "Hey Cid, where the hell is the booze?"

"What the £ you askin' me for? This ain't my & house!"

Cloud frowned. "I need my fix! I need booze! WHAT'S A PARTY WITHOUT BOOZE? This party sucks Barret!"

Barret scowled. "YOU WANT BOOZE! I'll give you &$$&£ booze!" He rushed back with a cold can for everyone.

Red XIII sniffed. "I can't open it!"

Aeris smiled warily. "Um...you know, I'm reallllly bad with drink. The last time I drunk a lot, I ended up chained outside with no clothes to Jenvoa and sleeping with Red XIII."

"THE SHAME!" Red sobbed dramatically in the background.

"C'mon Aeris! One drink won't kill ya...even if ya did...well y'know. It's Christmas!" Cid suggested, waving a can in her face.

Aeris bit her lip, her finger twirling in her amber lock. "Well...I suppose if it's Christmas...okay!"

Pretty soon, the gang were fuelled with alcohol and Vincent turned on the karaoke machine full blast, dressed in a blonde wig and a green bikini, lapdancing. Aeris on the other hand (one drink won't kill her! Ha!) was singing "You're The One That I Want".

" _# I got chilllllllllssssss...they're multiplying and I'm loooooooooooooosin' control..." _Aeris screeched tunelessly, dressed in a Elvis suit, wiggling her hips and wobbling around in heels. Cait Sith, Yuffie and Cid were insanely clapping along with her hopeless singing. Aeris -forgetting the lyrics- wabbled through the first verse.

" _# You bettttttter shape up, 'cause I neeeeeeeed a man, 'cause my heart is set ooooon yoooou! You better shaaaaaape uppppppp... #" _Vincent wobbled around on his heel and fell head first into the fireplace, screeching drunkly while everyone cackled, clearly pissed out their skulls.

"STOOOOP...DROOP N' ROOLL!" slurred Barret, who then puked on Tifa.

"Wowwwwww! Sexxxxxxxy!" Tifa slurred, hugging Barret tightly.

"ARGH! hic SOMEONE hic GET THAT RATTTTTT OFFFFFFFFF MEH!" screamed Barret, who passed out.

When Barret passed out, he fell on the stereo, and the Macrena song came on.

"MACE-LENAAAAAA!" Yuffie paused, wobbling. "NAW, TIS DA MACELANIE!"

"No Rufffffffie! It'sssssssss hic da Macedonia!"

"Dumb ass! hic That's a countryyyyy...!"

Pretty soon, they all dressed up in green leprechuan costumes complete with bows and hats doing the macrena backwards.

"HEEEEEEY MACRANNNNNNNN! HIYA!" they slurred, falling over.

Vincent was still rolling over. "MY WIIIIIGZ! MY PRECIOUS..." he dribbled over Cloud.

Cloud screamed. "MAMA! VINCY TRIED TO KILL ME!"

"Looooook...p-pistletoeeeeee!" Aeris' head twitched violently. "Puckkkkkkkerrrrr upz Ciddy-Widdy!"

"&$$£!" Cid and Aeris passionately made out, causing everyone to puke.

"Cid iz...mah buddy! He's mah pudding!" Aeris cooed, snaking her arms around his neck tightly. "Hahahaha...gonna be sickkkk again!" The two were back to back with a Shin-Ra flag tied around their neck.

Tifa squealed annoyed. "Barretttttttttttttt! You promisssssssssed...me a...-" Her last words before being crushed by the feet of all the gang running to the toilet, a violent debate turned into vicious shoving match with drunken cries of: "GONNA BE SICK DAMN IT!"

Vincent sat up on the couch. "Alllll you...pwetty ladies can sit on mah...lap!" Yuffie bounced onto Vincent's lap, hissing at anyone else who wanted to sit on him. "YEAAAAAH ALLLLLL YOU FREAKS WANNA SIT ON VINNY, YOU GoTtA get thrrrrrroooooough me first!" she screeched, showing a clenced fist to Cloud.

"VINNY IS MINEEEEEEE!"

"NO MINE!"

"Whoooooo's Vincent again!"

Yuffie threw a glass bottle at him. "HOW DARE YOU! YOU FORGET THE GREAT VINCENT!"

Tifa rose up, dusting off the footprints. "CLOOOOOOOOUD YOU PROMISED!"

"SHUT UP BITCH!" Cloud angrily threw bottles at her, failing to hit her -in fact it went no-where near her-.

"I like cod!" annouced Yuffie, hugging Vincent.

"Y'know Cliff Richard hic is my favourite Christmas...dude..."

Cloud gasped. "NO! ELTON JOHN IS THE BEST! CLIFF SUCKS!" He then threw the beer bottle at Vincent, but it got Tifa right in the face.

"HAHAHAHAHA! YOU KILLED TIFA!"

"YOU...Um...?"

Aeris and Cid were in the toilet, taking turns to look intensely into the toilet as if it held a deep, dark secret.

"You knoooooooooow what?"

"What?"

"What what what!"

"WHAT!"

"What what what what what!"

"YOU SEE IT!"

"See whaaaaaaaaaaaat Ciddy-Widdy!"

"THAT!" he pointed at the toilet, of course nothing was there.

"OH GAWD!"

"YOU SEE! ELVIS LIVES!"

"WOW CIDDY! You're sooooooo smeeeeeeert! Or izzz it's smarc? Noooooo I know it ends with a "t"!" Duuuuuh!"

Tifa was nursing her bloody face, before a piece of the roof fell on her.

"CLOOOOOOOOUDDDDDDD! YOU PROMISED ME A FISH HEAAAAAAAAD!" she warbled her last words.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! THAT'S SO FUNNY VINCENT!" Yuffie roared with drunken laughter.

"What was?"

"YER FACE!" Yuffie screamed with uncontrollable laughter.

"HEY IT TOOK 300000000000 YEARS TO GET LOOKS THIS GOOD!" Vincent said, throwing down the beer can.

"Hey...I'm NOT drunk!" Cloud drizzily danced.

"Let'ssssss waaaaaatch...hic Tifa by the fireeeeeeeee!"

The gang continued their drunken Christmas Eve ramblings way into the night, until 3am, when the neighbours started to complain, Yuffie and Vincent ended up sleeping together (OH GOD), Cid and Aeris fell asleep with their heads down the toilet, Cloud rambled on about how Christmas sucked, Red XIII and Cait Sith watched Bond re-runs, Tifa was stuck under debris and Barret ran outside with the kangeroos.

Um...Peace!

**DA END**


End file.
